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How Not To Tell
by
Julie Freeman
Recently
I had a conversation with another significant other regarding a
communication she had had with a wife new to the crossdressing
phenomenon. This particular wife had come home one afternoon to
find a note pinned to her bedroom door stating that her husband was
inside, dressed as a woman, that he had been doing this for years and
could no longer keep it a secret.
The wife could not open the door, totally lost. She was not
familiar with crossdressing and the usual questions were facing
her. Is her husband gay? Is he bisexual? What is
going to happen? What about their children?
What needs to be addressed in this not so uncommon scenario is not WHEN
the wife needs to be told. This is a question that has no
answer. We know that some wives feel they should have been told
before marriage, that an issue of trust resulted from not being
told. Others fully understand why they were not told early
on in the relationship and may or may not adjust to the crossdressing
depending on their beliefs and feelings.
What does need to be addressed is HOW to tell the wife or partner about
their need to crossdress. Having your wife or partner come home
and find a note on the door and a crossdressed individual behind the
door is NOT the way to do it. It is too sudden, too overwhelming,
and too frightening.
There are so many issues to be addressed that surprise should never be
a part of the disclosure. The wife or partner needs to be
introduced to the world of crossdressing in a calm, rational, cautious,
and appropriate manner. She needs to progress at her own rate
which may mean months before she wishes to see her partner
crossdressed. She needs to have her fears assuaged and her
questions answered.
Therefore it behooves the crossdressing populace to address this issue
of HOW to tell wives or partners. Too many times the crossdresser
has no support group so he himself knows no way to tell and finds
himself telling her at a time he can no longer keep his "secret" and
through no real fault tells her in a hasty, surprising manner which may
backfire and even force him into a state of denial.
Perhaps helping professionals can address this issue so that the
crossdresser is given the assistance he needs to learn how to express
his style to his loved ones. Crossdressers who have successfully
integrated crossdressing into their relationships in a positive manner
may also have some suggestions. These suggestions should be
shared with the community at large and in that way reach those
individuals who are desperate for a way out of their closets.
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